Have A Good Old Moan....

Sick of looking for a house to rent already. Tried to go an see one this afternoon, only to get stuck in Liverpool St underground because the central line was stuck. So that's 3 hours out of my day wasted that I can ill afford to waste 🙁

The benefits agency appear to have mislaid one of my sick notes 🙁

I'm trying to find books for my research paper, but I can't find anything even though my topic is fairly standard 🙁

The benefits agency appear to have mislaid one of my sick notes 🙁

That used to happen all the time to me! I swear they are so bloody imcompetant. I had to make some many phonecalls getting things sorted, not what you want when you are being treated with anxiety/depressions and stress induced migraines! Hope they find yours soon!

I'm having a massive down day and Im trying to not fall into depression again but my family make it just so hard, because without even knowing, they are massively triggering for me 🙁 It's not their faults, which makes me feel even worse. And it's my birthday in a couple of days (sunday) and Im pretty certain my mum has forgotten as shes not even mentioned it or asked to see me (she has forgotten before)

i'm having a down day also.. i had some, let's say 'troubles' with my appearence size wise and with my eating a while back, but it upset my boyfriend to no end and my mum was always bit**ing at me so i managed to eat properly again, well, now i'm back to square one. i admit, i really don't want to eat but atm i have to because i'm on antibiotics and they are draining me to s*** and hurt my stomach so i need food when i take them. but i just can't look at myself this past week.

Catch up on the whole psych thing: apparently it was just a psych nurse screening, I don't get to meet my psychiatrist for another few weeks. Can't be fully diagnosed yet, but tentative diagnosis is depression, anxiety, OCD and psychosis. This explains a lot (when I looked up OCD suddenly a lot of things made sense) but also makes me feel terrible. Also slightly disappointed that I wasn't hospitalised and got told that 'people with impulsive thoughts never act on them'. I don't want to be the one in a million who does.

I tried to leave the house and have a normal day today and it was sort of nice to see my friend (since I don't tend to make bonds with people and we've got close recently) but also couldn't cope with seeing actual human beings face to face.

Mum keeps telling me to put on weight, voices keep telling me to lose it.

Got signed off work again. For another two weeks. And now they seem like they don't believe me, when I WANT to be there and I'm beating myself up every hour of the day for not being there.

Also starting to become very suspicious that there is some kind of plot going on involving my medication and my voices and doctors, thinking about cold turkeying again, a bit too scared to take my next packet, the packet looks different to my old one and I'm worried that it's changed and that they've secretly given me something poisonous and hoped I wouldn't realise.

Want my voices to go away but they keep telling me that then I'll be totally alone and by myself and that they're there for me when I know they're not because of all the nasty things they say to me.

So basically everything is terrible right now and I'm a neurotic wreck.

@Mouse, may I suggest writing notes to yourself to not listen to the voices and take your medication? I know those thoughts all too well but have now had several years of different therapies and things be all good- for now. In the meantime, invest in CBT for Dummies- it's a great read if you can't access CBT through the services right now and has saved my sanity on many an occasion.

As for my whinge- I wanted to wear leopard print to my mother in law's wedding and have realised that I'm going to look all Marlene from Only Fools, which means I have to rethink my whole outfit in only 3 weeks! Plus I'm the size of a whale at the moment so I need something that will make me look 2 dress sizes smaller! God of eBay, answer my prayers!!!

*hugs* for everyone.

Not really to do with me, more of a rant.

My neighbours insist on using their hot tub in their garden in the evenings/at night. When we had really heavy snow last Friday/Saturday they spend most of the day in there! But thing that gets me the most is that they have their swimwear on, then a hat too! I don't understand the need to go in a hot tub when it's like below 0 outside!

really need to get back to normal.. i've had re-occuring water infections since like october/november so i've been on antibiotics a LOT, i have week courses at a time since last time i was on a 3 day course my water infection didn't get any better and was practically a kidney infection. anyway, i'm on another week of antibiotics today, i finish the pack tomorrow but they've been making me feel terrible this time 'round.. i've taken them at least 6 times now cause some times i get the water infection and just wait it out because i really cba to deal with doctors but i've had at least 10 since october/november. but anyway, yeah, i have a sort of strange need like OCD to read the leaflets that come with stuff like medicines over and over until i know everything about them, not because of the risks i just feel like i HAVE to, so i read the side effects and i seem to have developed them this time around.. although, i've had headaches, like really really bad ones since the day before my birthday, 3 days before i started antibiotics, THEN i started getting other symptoms totally random i started feeling extremely bloated all day other than when i first woke up, stomach cramps like TOTM ones (they aren't actual TOTM ones though cause the pill i'm on i don't have anything period-like ever), really acidy feeling stomach sometimes, feeling super sick randomly like, really really sick then it'd go like in waves, extreme tiredness litterally i couldn't function waking at 7am for college even though i went to bed 4 hours earlier than i do usually because i was so tired! and then just feeling randomly exhausted throughout the day especially once the headaches had subsided..
i've not actually done anything about anything i'm moaning about, you'd think any normal person would just go see a GP and see what they think about stuff but idk, i don't really feel like it cause it'll be nothing. maybe shouldn't put this on a forum but i even did a pregnancy test just to check it aint that either.. (negative, as expected i just had to make sure)..

ah big stupid moan, plus not to mention the other moan.. thought my feelings would go away after a few days, since i have bad days then go back to normal but nope.. the more i think about it too, the worse and worse i feel...

EDIT: on a slightly lighter moan, i really want a cute little hand dermal, but they are just SO inpractical.. especially with my job (potwasher) ugh! ... also wanted a face dermal recently, no idea why, just thought it'd be cute to have one just above my whiskers, but still dunno. RAH.

My 2 week old baby nephew has to have surgery tomorrow, to prevent his stomach from twisting. 🙁 he was born with all his organs back to front!

My dad's band is playing in our town in March and I was going to go with my best friend and just enjoy the concert...but my dad just asked me to work that night :/

Also, that same best friend has been giving me the weirdest mixed signals this week and tonight :/ I'm bi, she's bi-curious and in a relationship with a guy, but she was all over me this week and at the bar tonight. Weeeeiiiiiird.

Im getting my wisdom teeth out next saturday. I suppose this is both a happy and a moan, but mainly a moan cos Im getting sedated and Im terrified of needles (I bit my mum once when having a blood test) and my face will look like a chubby hamster for at least a week after and i cant miss a week off uni =[

I hope your nephew is ok missjoey!