Hate my hair!

Thanks everyone for your advice and comments!  I'll try more fading treatments but all my new growth is going to remain dark, so not sure I want to do that until closer to the time I try another bleach bath or whatever It is I decide to do next.  I'm still so confused the best way to deal with this!

You could try toning the orange with diluted blue dye. This will make it a more neutral brown and hopefully blend with your natural colour better.
What is your goal colour?

My goal colour is a medium to dark blonde, I don't mind it a bit on the red side either, I just don't want all this darkness and dark red and orange combo (it is much darker in real life than the pics for some reason).  I feel like the "red woman" on Game of Thrones.  In the light it's pretty intensely red.    My original goal was dark blonde with light highlights, but I will never attempt highlights again!  For now I'd just be happy to get this all as close to one colour as possible and lightening up the dark bits.

I think your best option would be to bleach bath the darker areas only and then put an ash brown like Adore's Mocha over the whole lot (Mocha is very green based, I believe, which will help neutralise the red).

Get a partner to help you with the back of your hair and use a tint brush to apply the bleach bath more precisely.  I don't think you'll have to pull out the individual lighter strands in the darker area--just apply the bleach up to the line of demarcation.

Honestly, I would try to get back down to as close to your bare base color as possible. Fade out all those semis, remove all the permanent dyes, and work on lightening and evening it out from there.

So you've just put in a bunch of Adore dyes right? I would start with fading treatments to remove those.
Then, I would use 2-3 color removers to remove all of the permanent dyes you've used. Just be sure to rinse a LOT after each one, so you rinse all of those shrunken color molecules out. If you don't rinse enough they can darken again when you bleach and you'll be back at square 1. I always rinse for a half hour, dry it completely, then rinse for another half hour. You can use developer on a test strand to make sure it doesn't darken.

At that point, your hair should be back down to as bare of a base as it can, and you can focus on lightening it and evening it out. I would fade and do the removers first though, that is really important, because you'll end up having to bleach your hair way more if you don't + it will bleach unevenly.

I would use actual bleach powder + get a bottle of 30 vol developer, which you can dilute with shampoo if you need 20 vol, 15 vol, etc.

I would get a big jar of coconut oil, a nice silicone free moisturizing conditioner, some vinegar to do vinegar rinses with, and a good reconstructor like Joico Kpak DPR to help keep the pH, protein + moisture balanced in your hair throughout this whole process.

For a dark blonde, lightening it all to a gold will work just fine, and for a medium blonde you'll want it more yellow. You can use a demi in a 7N or an 8N over it all, and you can use a violet semi heavily diluted in conditioner to keep it looking like a nice, natural blonde + keep those gold/yellow tones at bay.